If you're considering trying EMDR, you might be interested in what others have to say about it as an approach. Here are a few videos and links to recommendations and research on EMDR. For those who like seeing the guidance from official health organizations, here are links to the EMDR guidance from the following groups who recommend it: NHS NICE WHO APA DoD For those who like reading research articles, here are links to research on bilateral stimulation (the mechanism used in EMDR): Cochran   Nature EMDR is a specialist therapy that’s only offered by qualified therapists who have gone through an accredited training in the modality by EMDR Europe  or EMDR UK, etc. My training is via EMDR UK.

What if someone told you that you don’t have to speak about the details of your trauma to heal? My own experience of EMDR was life-changing, and it is why I offer EMDR in Sheffield. EMDR is the shorthand name for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing therapy. EMDR therapy is a highly researched, internationally recommended therapy (1) for treating trauma , anxiety, social phobias, OCD , and many other mental health challenges that have roots in past difficult experiences. EMDR is likely a bit different to therapy you’ve had before. EMDR is a collaborative therapy where you and the therapist work together to reprocess your trauma or intense emotional experiences. You don’t have to speak about the details of trauma or emotionally charged events. EMDR is not a cognitive therapy like CBT where you work mainly with thoughts. Although I am trained in CBT too,  EMDR is a somatic body-based therapy. EMDR uses eye movements (alternating bilateral stimulation) that mimic the eye movements of REM sleep. This helps you to process the emotional response to the trauma while staying in the here and now. In EMDR, you'll set goals and prioritize particular memories which are unsettling for you and driving your current difficulties. Your therapist will also help you to have the internal resources you need to begin confronting those difficult memories. During the reprocessing sessions, emotions and sensations may come up. You will be prepared for this by the work done before this phase of therapy, and your therapist will help you safely manage them. You are always awake and aware in the process. You’re not suggestible or yielding internal control to the therapist. In fact, the therapist says far less than in traditional talking therapies and instead operates as your guide through the reprocessing. In EMDR, as with all counselling/psychotherapy approaches, the length of time that it takes is dependent upon the complexity of your problems. Many people notice a significant change in their response to the traumatic experience within 8-12 sessions. Frequently, EMDR is only one of several treatment approaches that will be used to help you reach your goals. After EMDR, you’ll still have your memories but your relationship to them will change. It won’t feel as intense or overwhelming when they come to mind. And many of the ways you’ve been relating to other people and yourself may change as your trauma responses are no longer driving you. If you are considering EMDR therapy and want to know more, you can find links to research and videos explaining EMDR here. If you are interested in learning more about trauma, consider reading my other posts about trauma including the What is Trauma?, trauma-related book recommendations, and The Best Recipe for Recovery. (1) EMDR is recommended for use in treating trauma by the NHS , NICE , WHO , APA , DoD and many others. It’s been researched for efficacy and positive results published in Cochran and Nature . NOTE: EMDR is a specialist therapy that’s only offered by qualified therapists who have gone through an accredited training in the modality by EMDR Europe or EMDR UK, etc.

Sometimes we feel that the urging in the bible to "not be afraid" feels like a condemnation of fear and anxiety. But consider for a moment, "do not be afraid" perhaps is a being said not to dismiss the fear and anxiety, but as a recognition that things are scary and hard in this world. And that you are not alone in that place of fear - you do not have to be consumed by fear even if it is scary. A book I often recommend to my Christian clients is the book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy by Mark Vroegop. This book is a great one for those who are struggling with life not being what they long for it to be whether due to chronic illness, bereavement, life transitions, or ongoing difficulty. Vroegop does a great job of guiding readers through the process of lament using the Psalms. And the most amazing part for many of us, he encourages us through scripture to complain and say to God "this is not okay!" Because it's true . . . sometimes things are just not okay! And the good news, God knows that too. He agrees with you! A few notes if you choose to practice lament: If you're a chronically positive person, remember not to rush to the end where we say "but God..." and encourage our hearts with his promises. Sometimes grief is the appropriate response. If you're feeling stuck in the low places, remember to end with the "but God..." promises, even if they don't feel complete for you. Sometimes these are statements of present truth, sometimes they are statements of faith. It takes practice to be thankful and sometimes it feels like hard work. Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy As an Amazon Associate, I earn commission from qualifying purchases from the links above. I only share books I believe are useful, truthful, and good.

Have you ever been to a beautiful formal garden? Sheffield Botanical Gardens are a great example if you’re local. Botanical gardens are such a good example of boundaries. Think of it: what makes the botanical gardens particularly beautiful? There are gardeners doing excellent work cleaning, nurturing, caring for the flowers and plants. The floral borders, the rose garden, the grassy paths, the stone walls and beautiful gates that close each evening… Part of what makes the botanical gardens beautiful are the boundaries. The boundaries of an ornate flowerbed are beautiful, where flowers nestle next to grass and make a intricate designs. The boundaries of a stone path that says gently, "walk here and see the beauty." The boundaries of a beautiful gate that you can see through, but not access in certain times when the land rests and recovers. The stone wall that keeps out intruders and keeps the land secure. Boundaries are beautiful. If you come into the botanical gardens and dig up roses and step all over the tulips, you’ll be asked to leave. It's part of what keeps the gardens beautiful. I think people are a little like the botanical gardens. We need boundaries to maintain the beauty, dignity and growth of our lives. Some boundaries might need to be those stone walls with no visibility inside or access to the space. But other boundaries will be like the gate, visible inside but not access to impact the space directly. Still other boundaries will be like the garden path saying "this is good for me" or the floral border which allows someone to come close enough to enjoy (or maybe even do some weeding and planting!). Many of us are taught that boundaries are bad. Or we only know how to have the stone wall kind of boundary. But there are so many ways to draw boundaries. And good boundaries can make a space so beautiful. Good boundaries can make your life so beautiful. Just like the botanical gardens would ask someone to leave if they are trampling on the tulips, we sometimes need to ask for the same when people in our life are seeking to destroy the dignity God has given us as his children. But rather than closing the gates to everyone, at all times, forever, we can consider person by person (and perhaps after a season of closing the gates to allow the soil to recover) what boundaries are right, for each relationship, each season and each event. You are worth caring for. Boundaries are a way of showing that to yourself and others.

... but it's not okay to stay that way. It's okay to not be okay We all have times in life where we are struggling more than normal, when times are particularly hard. But for some of us, those times linger and we need more resources to help us get to a better place. It's okay to not be okay. That's what makes you human and being human is a good thing. So often, I hear people say things like, "I shouldn't feel this way." or "I know in my head that things are not so bad, but I can't feel it." or "I feel so much shame for not being okay." There are 1,000s and 1,000s of reasons why someone might struggle. Your struggle is different from someone else’s struggle. Even if you judge your own circumstances as "not so bad" or "it could be worse," your struggle is yours - so it is the first one that impacts you. I want you to hear this: It's okay to not be okay . . . but it's not okay to stay that way. It's not okay to stay that way. While it is okay to struggle, it is not okay to stay struggling when help is available to you. Reaching out for help, whether to a counsellor, a friend, or a manager, is hard. It is so hard. It takes courage to believe that things could be better. And it takes great bravery to reach out when you're overwhelmed. Reaching out is hard to do, but it is so worth it. Perhaps you wonder if counselling will help you? Or if there is any difference between a counsellor and a friend. Or if counselling can even help you. You don't have to stay unwell. Whether you believe it or not right now, you are worth caring for. You deserve to be okay.

There are lots of books on counselling and self-help out there, but one in particular that has my attention at the moment is the book Try Softer by Aundi Kolber, LPC MA. Aundi's approach is a lot like mine, using the different parts of mind, body, emotions, behaviour and experience to help move out of places of stress and survival and into a more connected and hopeful life. Her book is great, but even just the title goes a long way. Try softer. Try Softer . . . not try harder, not grin-and-bear-it, not endure, or push through. Try softer. There are so many ways we can try softer in our life: in how we treat our physical body, in how we speak to ourselves internally (and externally!), in how we run our daily diary, and in how we set up our life day to day. Quite often, my clients admit that they would never speak to or treat another individual the way they treat themselves. We can be quite awful to ourselves. But I believe you're worth caring for. And people who are worth caring for are worth treating well, with dignity and respect. That's part of trying softer too. The approach in this book is great for those whose life has been impacted by trauma. In fact, this is one of the books I'd recommend if you're just starting to understand your story as one that has been impacted signicantly by the woundedness of others. Try Softer book Try Softer workbook As an Amazon Associate, I earn commission from qualifying purchases from the links above. I only share books I believe are useful, truthful, and good.

So you’re about to start counselling. Well done on having the courage to start. As you get started, let's think about what might make this time the most impactful. How can you get the most out of counselling? Here are a few tips to help you make the most of this time. 1. Find a counsellor that’s a good fit for you Research show that up to 70% of counselling outcomes come down to the relationship you have with the counsellor. So if you don’t like the counsellor or you feel uncomfortable with them, you won’t get as much out of the time you spend, no matter how good their insights are! If you feel like your counsellor cares for you, you're more likely to have positive change in the time you're meeting together. That's why a good fit is so important in counselling. Having a counsellor who is a good fit for you means that you know what you can expect in counselling with them. While every counsellor should show empathy to the people they meet with, if you're a Christian, you might find that having a counsellor who understands your faith worldview can be helpful in understanding you as a person. My frist experience of counselling was terrible because the counsellor wasn't a good fit for me. But just because you've had a bad experience before doesn't mean that your next experience in counselling will be the same. 2. Choose and believe counselling can help You have to be willing to engage with the work of counselling in order for it to be helpful. People who come to counselling because someone else is making them come (even if well intended) will not get much out of counselling. You need to choose to come on your own. I will only take clients who chooses to come of their own accord for this very reason (it’s ethically important!). If you’re going into counselling super skeptical of whether it’s going to work, it probably won’t work for you. You’ll spend the time looking for flaws or issues in the therapy and not looking for ways to grow and change yourself. Counselling changes lives. But only if you choose for it to do so. 3. Do the work outside of the room Most of life takes place outside of the counselling room. If you really want things to change, it's important to take what you learn in counselling and apply it to your life outside of therapy. A good recipe for recovery includes community. Perhaps that means changing the boundaries you hold with friends, family or your time. Or taking time to stop and breathe before making decisions. The biggest changes in life happen when you apply what you learn.

With all of the pop-psychology and self-help material on the Internet these days, it sometimes seems overwhelming. Do I need counselling, or just a nap and a fancy brunch? While a nap and meal can often help, counselling is there for times when that is just not enough. Counselling can help you if you have the right fit counsellor for you and are committed to the work. People come to counselling for a variety of reasons. Whether you want therapy to address a specific mental health issue, to heal from a bereavement or past trauma, or to simply get to know yourself more, counselling can be a helpful tool in healing. ​ For some people, counselling offers an opportunity to experience a safe relationship for the first time. Counselling can be a helpful part of your recipe for recovery. What makes you want to go to counselling? Is there an area of your life that feels stuck? ​ A to Z of what counselling can help Abuse.  Addictions.  Adoption.  Aging.  Anger.  Anxiety.  Behavioral issues.  Bereavement.  Bullying.  Burn out.  Childhood issues.  Church hurt.  Cross-cultural stress.  Cultural identity.  Depression.  Disability.  Eating disorders.  Emotional abuse.  Emotional distress.  Faith.  Family issues.  Infertility.  Long-term illness.  Loss.  OCD.  Personal development.  Phobias.  PTSD.  Physical abuse.  Relationships.  Self-esteem.  Self-harm.  Sexual abuse.  Social anxiety.  Spiritual abuse.​  Stress.  Suicidal thoughts.  Trauma.  Work stress.

This past week, I was asked by a friend, with tears in her eyes, "will counselling help me?" She was so desperate to be in a better place and she was longing for reassurance that there was hope for her on the horizon. A lot of people have asked this question before and research has shown that counselling is helpful to the extent that the the person participates and engages in the work. If you're willing to give it a try and engage in the process, you are likely to find counselling to be a helpful part of your journey. It's also true that the most effective counselling happens when you have a good connection with your counsellor. Many studies show up to 70% of therapeutic impact is based on the therapeutic relationship you have. If you feel like your counsellor cares for you, you're more likely to have positive change in the time you're meeting together. That's why a good fit is so important in counselling and knowing what you can expect in counselling from your counsellor. But most of life takes place outside of the counselling room. If you really want things to change, it's important to take what you learn in counselling and apply it to your life outside of therapy. Perhaps that means changing the boundaries you hold with friends, family or your time. Or taking time to stop and breathe before making decisions. The biggest changes in life happen when you apply what you learn. So my answer is … If you're ready and you’ve found a counsellor you like, counselling will help.

The phrase "wounded healer" is famous in some circles. Take a minute to consider what it means... Not a guru who is wholly separate and has all wisdom to impart. Not an expert who has thought about things but not experienced them. Not a salesman who is touting his goods for his own profit. A wounded healer is one who brings to the art of healing the very real experience of being wounded himself. Jesus is described as a wounded healer, and as a Christian counsellor, I model my counselling care on the wounded healer. We live in a world full of wounds - both physical wounds and the ever-so-real heart wounds which are unseen but painful still. And we need healing for all of those wounds. Christ is the ultimate wounded healer - one who was literally torn apart for the sake of healing the world. It is Christ's care that provides rest and renewal for my soul. And it is Christ's care that informs my heart in counselling. I am not a counsellor who has been untouched by pain - I am, like you, one who lives in a broken world and is impacted by the painful places here. I want to care for others because I have experienced the deep, profound impact of God's acceptance and love for me when I was at my weakest. And that love was embodied by people in my community. The wounded healer knows my pain and also knows how to heal.

I remember the day I decided I needed help again. I sat in my car, palms sweating, so scared to call the counsellor that I had found. What if this is a terrible idea? What if they can't help me? What if I can't face this? Or worst... What if this is just as bad as last time? I had been to counselling before. A kind friend helped me walk over to the university counselling service and sign up. Although they helped get me through some hard times, it didn't do the deeper work that I needed. And the counsellor made me uncomfortable. She sat in silence, waiting for me to talk. I had no idea what to say or what was expected. I often left feeling uncomfortable and confused. And she also did not understand my worldview as a Christian, which made me feel even more alone and strange. My first experience in counselling was terrible. Thankfully, years later, as I sat in my car with my phone in my shaky hand, I had the number of someone who was a better fit for me. Someone who would end up changing the course of my life because of her genuine, consistent, and safe care for me. But I didn't know that at the time. All I knew was how scary it was to reach out for help. But I am so glad that I did. If you're ready to start counselling, check out these posts on what you can expect in counselling, what counselling can help, and how to get the most out of counselling. They can help demystify counselling and the process of therapy.

For some people, friends and family are great sources of support and are a great option for receiving the care they need in everyday life. But many people find that having someone outside those circles to talk with is helpful when addressing mental health needs, someone who has experience and knowledge in dealing with the specific challenges that they are facing. Unlike most family and friends, your counsellor is professionally trained to come alongside you in your journey to better mental health. ​ Counselling is a place to address big emotions and difficult circumstances. Where family or friends might become overwhelmed by the circumstances or emotions you bring, your counsellor is able to hold whatever you bring to the sessions without becoming overwhelmed. ​ Friends often listen with a desire to give you advise. Your counsellor's role is to help you come to your own decisions by helping you understand yourself, your circumstances, the impact of your decisions, and how you relate to other people. ​ For some people, family or friendships are a source of great pain, isolation and grief. While your counsellor won't ever take the place of family or friends in your life, she can help you to process and integrate painful experiences and help you grow in your ability to make healthier friendships and/or become less isolated. ​ Unlike most friends and family, your counsellor is trained in caring for specific mental health needs and providing that care in a safe and confidential environment. ​ In addition, your counsellor follows an ethical code in practice. This means she will not push her agenda or personal beliefs on you but will help you weigh-up choices and their potential impact on your life. ​ Unlike friendship, your counsellor will not share a lot about her personal life. The time in counselling is for you and is not about your counsellor. So while your counsellor may make you feel comfortable like a good friend or family member does, the relationship is very different.